Finding Balance

  Our lives are generally filled with a variety of people and things that need chunks of our time throughout the week.  If you are anything like me, you have a list of "things to do" which is continually growing, and requires constant reprioritizations.  For some of us, this list is the source of our stress, and for others, the list is what keeps them sane.  I had been told in a church group that you can look at where you spend your money to know what you prioritize, but I think a better tool is to look at this list, and know what you don't prioritize.  I am guilty of neglecting my car, my bicycle, my workouts, and my husband this weekend.  I did manage to take care of my chores around the house, got some errands run at the pharmacy that I'd been putting off, spent quality time with a quality friend, and even managed to spend some time with family from out of town.  Every day is spent deciding what will take up each hour of each day.  To me, there is no "free" time.  There is only the time that could be spent knocking off one of the 30 items on that to-do list. 
  Training for ironman takes up a lot of "free" time.  I had a lot of great workouts this weekend including a personal record setting 6:40 century ride, my first 4 miles running at south mountain, a 20 mile run- all outside for the first time since Australia, and a 3500 yd swim where my left shoulder held up the entire way.  These are all great, but that is 12 hours of the weekend dedicated to training- and I slacked off!  I missed swim drills, spin class, a 20 mile bike ride, and weight training.  The time I spend training is often "me-time", where I can reflect on life and enjoy the feeling of accomplishing a difficult workout.  The will-power required to get through some of these workouts is often more than I have available to me.  Trying to constantly get myself to do things because I should can really wear on me, and leaves me mentally exhausted.  I always thought of training as "taking care of my needs/wants".  Sometimes it is just that, but other times, it is just another chore I need to finish. 
  Last week was a week of chore workouts.  I didn't do many of my key workouts because I just felt tired.  I caught up on a lot of sleep, which was needed, but I felt like I had failed as an athlete.  I remember thinking I would never be ready for the race, that I just wasn't in the right shape to succeed.  I had completed a 2 mile open water swim for the first time that week, but I did not make an effort to stay focused on the positive because I did not understand that dwelling on my initial failure would only feed my next.
  This week is different.  First, my workouts were not all chores.  I was able to go a new route on my bike- which was beautiful, by the way.  I set an easy goal for my first outdoor hill workout.  But, most importantly, I let myself be imperfect.  I felt guilty about things, yes, but I did not dwell on who/what was neglected, but tried to focus on what got accomplished and who I spent my time with.  Yes, I do need to take my car in still, and my dogs didn't get walked every day, and sure I missed some good workouts.  But, I did a lot of housework, got to hike with Isha, run with Pepe, spend time with my dad, see my aunt and uncle, visit with a friend, go out to a movie with Steve, and even took 2 hours to have my hair done so I could finally feel feminine.  I still have plenty to get to on my list, and of course it is always in the back of my mind, but I will get one thing checked off at a time, and feel proud for getting it done.  And, at the end of the week, if I am smiling, and the people I love are smiling too, then I have balanced things well, and I can let go of the guilt for not getting every item checked off my list because there are only so many hours in the day, and I have spent them well.