The best laid plans of IronMen

Excel files pile up on my desktop with filenames like: IMtraining.xls, TrainingPlan.xls, MealPlan3.xls, and workoutroutine.xls.  The files are a cruel reminder of the failed plans, and the need to adapt to new hours.  The summer is coming. . .summertraining.xls here we come.  The loss of my old routine leaves me with a kind of grief.  I am losing the comfort of the familiar, and trying to rebuild my lifestyle around hot weather and daytime sleeping.  I have a passion for planning, for making things work, but I've completed my plan, and cannot shake the feeling of defeat.  This is a plan that looks unbearable on paper, filled with hours of workouts after 12 hour shifts.  The goal of finishing IMAZ in less than 12 hours dances in my mind, mocks me.  I have months of training ahead of me, and I have plowed headfirst into the wall.  I'm in the best shape of my life, set a PR for both a marathon and a metric century bike race this year, yet, I feel as though my accomplishments will be in vain.  They were supposed to be stepping stones to greatness, but now, I can't shake the feeling that I am drowning. . .