Motivation. . .lacking. . .need. . .chocolates. . .

Demotivator:

Nothing derails your training quite like watching a 60 year old with a beer gut zip past you while you ride your little heart out.  I am the first to admit, I am not a great cyclist, but come on guys!  I know the rules, ride more, do intervals etc.  I can get faster, sure, I just need to train as much as my 60 year-old buddy, Jimbo.  I am sure his training for this race was at least as intense as mine.  I'm sure he was hitting the gym for spin class twice a week, and his long rides took him up hills far more punishing that South Mountain.  His training schedule included a far more rigorous nutrition plan as well.  He's been eating nothing but the highest quality protein, MUFAs and complex carbohydrates.  He's been so strict on himself to lose the extra few pounds he swears are keeping him from averaging that 20 mph goal he's been striving to achieve that all his friends and co-workers tease him about what he's not going to eat that week.  Well, good for him.  I'm glad he made so many sacrifices to get so fast. . .

Drugs:

You know what else will buck you right of that horse?  A sudden change in your work schedule from 3p-3a to 6p-6a.  Since I am already struggling with sleep deprivation, let's just make it a touch worse by sending me home at sunrise.  It's a conspiracy, I tell you!  There is someone in management who just bought stock in whatever pharmaceutical company is currently churning out my monthly supply of ambien.  It is not that I am unable to sleep without the drug. . .I'm just unable to stay asleep without the drug.  This cute little problem makes it so I am a constant user during my workweek just to make sure I get enough sleep to remain conscious for my full 12 hour shift.  I am not complaining though. . .well, I am, but I will get used to this schedule, and things will be fine.  Besides, it gives me a chance to improve my cycling since I can now ride to work 3 days a week. . . I tell myself this to cheer me up when I am dragging my tired, sleep deprived body home at 6 in the morning.  Yes, the concept of getting more exercise cheers me up.  It IS a drug for me, yes.  Don't judge, you have your drugs too.  Perhaps, chocolate?  Maybe, your TV watching. . .hmm?  Perhaps your constant need for friendships?  Thank goodness I don't need friends because this schedule would make it impossible to create any kind of support network if you were say... suffering from severe depressive episodes . . .

Feeding:

Hopeless, I struggle to get back on track with my nutrition.  My whole plan fell apart because I could not see my IM dreams coming to life in the darkness of night.  I could not fathom the midnight training that must soon become my routine.  It exhausts me to think that summer is coming, and I will not be able to rise for my long ride until noon.  Ideas for when to train have been rolling around in my brain like marbles, colliding with one another and generating head-aches the likes of which only sleep-deprived, brain-munched, zombies can fully understand.  My nutrition went from controlled and planned to, F-it, I am going to eat this whole box of cereal- 2 days tops!  Cookies?  Bring it!  If beer guts can pass me on the bike, bring on the carbohydrates!!  Veggies? F-em, let's try jelly beans.  Fruit?  Sure, if it is covered in chocolate.  Peanut butter- better bring an extra jar if you want any because I am going to spoon this into my mouth until I puke.  Food is comforting.  Food is something that represents friendships and the gathering of people for celebrations.  That is why I eat it when I am lonely and my life spirals out of control.  Do I have an eating disorder?  Do I look like I have an eating disorder?  Where the hell did all the frosted flakes go?  But, I do have to hit the bottom. . .I have tried to abort the downward spiral.  It is like trying to suspend a ball in mid-air by blowing on it.  Eventually, you have to breathe, and then it comes down on your face. . .